Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
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He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
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I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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