Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
