Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
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Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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