Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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