Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
