I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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