Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like death gave me a hand job
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize