Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
