We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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