I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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