I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize