hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
