It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
