I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
