I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Randomize
