No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
