What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
