Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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