Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize