we have pet lesbian snakes
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
