I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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