I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize