shes about as inviting as chlamydia
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
