I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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