I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
