i think my mom watched the whole time
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
