This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
