You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
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