I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
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