dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
