Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
