There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I wish i was in the wii world.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
