brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
