remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
