Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
