'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
