I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Randomize
