i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
