wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
