if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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