"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
