i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
