I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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