you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
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