We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
