Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
