I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
