That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
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Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
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If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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