Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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