Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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