He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
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