Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
