Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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