it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
