i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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