3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Small penises have feelings too.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
