Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
