My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
