Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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