Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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