i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
