i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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