whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
