I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
