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my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I wish there were birth control emojis
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
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