Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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