i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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