ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
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