he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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