we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
