he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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