I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
