dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
