in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
he quoted the bible to break up with me
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
