I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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