And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
